A Dark Place

I’ve started 2 or 3 different posts in the last 24 hours. I thought all of them sounded a little dark and saved them and sat them aside to go back to later to see what I was trying to say and what was bothering me. There was something I didn’t really consider until just a little while ago. I am in a really dark place right now.

There are a lot of reasons. Well deserved ones…everything from long-term unemployment and the related financial disaster it brings to totaled cars that can’t be replaced because there’s no money. When coupled with chronic illness and the related pain my new Dr won’t treat it is a recipe for disaster.

I know this. I understand this. The logical part of my brain is trying to hold everything in perspective. But with every set-back (and in all honesty with only one exception every piece of news we’ve gotten in the last 4-6 weeks has been bad news or a set-back and the good news wasn’t all that great) I just seem to slip a little deeper into this dark place.

You may have read a few weeks ago where I talked about feeling bad for a little bit, allowing myself to feel the feelings so that I could move on and feel better. Only as I each of these moments comes up I’ve had a harder time moving on and feeling better.

I know this will pass, I just need to hang on. It would be easier if I saw any chance of things getting better for us, but I don’t see how they will. At least not any time soon. We aren’t just operating in crisis mode any more, we’re in last-resort-no-other-choice-or starve mode. In the past the miracle we’ve been praying for would come along, not to save us necessarily, but to put us on a better path. Our miracle is at least a month overdue and I’m beginning to think we’ve reached our allotted number for this lifetime.

But I won’t give up, I can’t. As dark as the place I’m in is, and as much as I want to, I can’t. I need to find a way to make things better for my girls. I want to feel better, I do. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and stuck in a dark place. I’m praying I find my way out soon.

In the mean time, I hope that you’ll bare with me.

Friday’s Guilty Pleasure for 10/25/2013

First, thanks everyone for understanding about last week’s post not happening and the award nominations. This is the first time we’ve totaled a car, and with our current financial predicament, it’s all a bit over whelming. I’m sure there’s at least one more blog post on the whole thing looming, but thank you again for your support and understanding.

This week’s Guilty Pleasure is a brand new television show in Comedy Central, @midnight.

Chris Hardwick is hosting this week’s Guilty Pleasure, @midnight!

@midnight, host Chris Hardwick, AKA The Nerdist (some of you may remember him from a dating show he hosted with Jenny McCarthy on MTV when back when they still played music videos), leads three celebrities contestants through a social media rabbit hole to see who has the funniest take on today’s pop culture. Four episodes have aired so far and it is hysterical, truly laugh out loud funny.

This is another one of those shows that you don’t necessarily watch with the kids. There’s strong language and adult themes, and frankly that’s part of the joy of it. It’s just so wrong sometimes it’s right.

The show airs Monday through Thursday at, you guessed it, midnight. I highly recommend it. Follow on Twitter to play along at home – it’s kind of like having the exciting home version of the game right there in your hand. For my Chronic Babe and Spoonie friends, this is the kind of show that will give you a good giggle and distract you a little bit while you’re laying there wishing you could fall asleep.

So that’s two big thumbs up for @midnight and a big recommendation for you to tune in.

If you have an idea for next week’s Guilty Pleasure – or if you would like to be the special Guest Blogger and write next week’s Guilty Pleasure post, drop me a line here! I would LOVE to hear your ideas. Especially all you Spoonies and Chronic Babes – what are the those little guilty pleasures that make the bad days a little better? Let’s share and help each other!

Related articles

• @midnight, A New Late Night TV Show Hosted by Nerdist’s Chris Hardwick (laughingsquid.com)
• Chris Hardwick’s ‘@midnight’ Game Show Trolls Social Media IRL (retrometrotech.wordpress.com)

A Total Loss

So the car really is a total loss. Since it’s more than 10 years old it’s not really worth a whole lot. This is definitely expense we don’t need right now. With only one of us with a fulltime job and very little coming in it’s going to be next to impossible to find a car we can afford. The kicker is, we really need a pretty good car since Hubby is driving an hour each way to work, over a mountain. A drive that’s going to be next to impossible once winter hits in the wrong vehicle. Wish us luck…I’ll be over in the corner whimpering into the Trader’s Guide if you need me.

***I know I owe you posts for the award nominations, I promise they’re in the works!***

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Post…

Sure it looks cute here, but not on the road at midnight! English: A white-tailed deer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Late last night my husband had a rather violent meeting with a deer while on the way home from work. My husband seems to have made it through in one piece, but the same cannot be said for either the deer or the car. As a matter of fact, it sounds like both were totaled.

Needless to say this has thrown a bit of a wrench in my editorial schedule with the calls to insurance companies and body shops and all the other things that go with excitement like this. So, fair warning, tomorrow’s regularly scheduled Guilty Pleasures post may be late, or may be overtaken by events.

I apologize of any inconvenience this may cause. Please address any concerns or complaints in care of Bambi.

Thank You for the Nominations!

I am thrilled to have been nominated for a couple of awards! I’m working on getting everything together to get everything posted. It seems like the blogs I follow have already been nominated. Looks like I have to go out and find some new ones to follow. I guess there are worse things to do!

Please stay tuned! More to follow soon!

Friday’s Guilty Pleasure for 10/11/2013

This week’s Guilty Pleasure goes back to making looking good a little easier, it’s John Fredia’s 3-Day Straight.

John Frieda 3-Day Straight – It’s like a magic position for wavy hair!

This nifty product is used after you’ve washed your hair as you normally do. Just 7-14 sprays then dry your hair straight. Use a straightener to finish it off. (Read the directions on the box, it really is that easy!) What you get is super straight hair that really does stay straight. If you have wavy hair like mine, this stuff is like a magic potion!

I’m not saying you won’t have to touch it up in the morning, but it won’t be a frizzy mess or curled back up. You really can go a few days before having to do major work with a straightener. Combine it with dry shampoo (another guilty pleasure) and you may be able to stretch it out a little longer.

Now, it’s not the cheapest stuff out there, but if you keep an eye out you can find coupons to use when it’s on sale to get a pretty good deal. And I’ll be honest I don’t use it all the time, usually when I have big events, so I make that little bottle last a long time. But, if you have trouble keeping your hair straight like I do, then it might be worth it. Oh, and you don’t want to mix it with too many other products or your hair will get kind of gooey, or sticky, or just…icky…depending on the combination.

For my Spoonie and Chronic Babe friends there are several things that can help. First, I cheat sometimes – I let my hair air dry, and later spray it damp and use my hair straightener/dryer to straighten. It’s not how your supposed to do it, but it works and it’s a little bit easier on my hands and takes a little less energy. Second, this stuff isn’t horrible on your hair – I know some of the meds we have to take, or just being us, can be tough of your hair. 3-Day Straight isn’t going to leave your hair in worse condition than it found it, it may even look a little better. Third, because it really does keep your hair fairly straight, it means it’s less effort you have to put into your hair every day. If your someone who straightens your hair a lot it may be worth the expense to save the time/energy/spoons to have this stuff do some of the work for you.

If you have an idea for next week’s Guilty Pleasure – or if you would like to be the special Guest Blogger and write next week’s Guilty Pleasure post, drop me a line here! I would LOVE to hear your ideas. Especially all you Spoonies and Chronic Babes – what are the those little guilty pleasures that make the bad days a little better? Let’s share and help each other!

Follow Up on a Guilty Pleasure

I just read a great story about one of the gents from Top Gear, one of my Guilty Pleasures, and I wanted to share. A very sick little girl in the UK dreamed of a ride in a pink Lamborghini driven by none other than Top Gear’s Richard Hammond. An organization heard about what she wanted and managed to pull it all together in just a few days…pink sports car, celebrity chauffeur and all!

Her parents are thrilled that it came together so quickly so she was able to enjoy it. She’s being evaluated for a lung transplant that could add 10 years to her life. It’s awesome that she got this amazing surprise. Even more awesome is her need for speed.

Make sure you watch the video, it’ll put a smile on your face (and maybe a tear in your eye).

Related articles

• Scott Beale: Little Girl’s Rays of Sunshine Wish Granted by ‘Top Gear’ Host Richard Hammond and a Pink Lamborghini (laughingsquid.com)
• This Video of a TV Star Making a Seriously Ill Little Girl’s Wish Come True Will Warm Your Heart (theblaze.com)
• A Wish to Ride in a Pink Lamborghini (cdturner.wordpress.com)
• A seriously ill girl had one wish, and this celebrity hopped in his private helicopter to grant it (dailydot.com)
• Richard Hammond And A Pink Lamborghini Will Just Melt Your Heart (jalopnik.com)
• Richard Hammond Grants Girl’s Wish to Ride in Pink Lamborghini [Video] (autoevolution.com)

Feel Like A Slacker

I feel like such a slacker right now. I have had a horrible week. Scratch that, horrible few weeks. Not every day has been bad, just the majority of them. At one point we had to call my mother-in-law to come help with the kids while Hubby was working.

I’ve been getting the bare minimum done. Most of the dishes are getting washed. Dinner is getting made some nights, other nights the girls have to wait for their daddy to get home at 7 pm to make dinner (poor hubby has an hour commute each way on top of a pretty physically demanding job and has had to make dinner as soon as walks in the door). Some email gets read, not enough are getting written. I’m trying to stay on top of the job search, but I know I’m missing things. And, as I’m sure you can tell, my blog has been a little less…bloggy.

Wish I could kick back like this and not feel guilty about it.

I shouldn’t feel bad. I have a good reason for frick’s sake. I mean I had to text my husband while he was down stairs watching TV to come upstairs and help me out of bed so I could take my contacts out…I fell asleep while my daughter was doing homework and when I woke up the house was dark…This is not exactly normal behavior. I shouldn’t be beating myself up about all the stuff I’m not doing.

But I am. Just like so many of us with chronic illnesses, I tend to measure my day by what didn’t get done rather than by what was accomplished. Despite my best efforts to be kind to myself, I keep getting caught up in the thought I should be doing more.

I’m praying the tide turns soon and I start to feel better. I’m basically without health insurance until the end of November when the coverage at Hubby’s new job starts, so I can’t go see anyone. Even if I had insurance I don’t know who I would go see. The appointment with the new doctor was…interesting – I don’t know that I want to see her again but I’m afraid to switch doctors after something she said. Frankly I think the stress and anxiety over the fallout from that appointment is causing a serious Fibro flare which is really strange for me. Usually I have major Sjogern’s flares where my knees or ankles or everything swell for days or weeks and have lots of little few day Fibro flares. This would be the first serious long-term Fibro flare.

I know I need to relax and take.care of myself. But just for most of with chronic illness, that’s easier said than done. I’m going to focus on doing the best I can and try to celebrate my accomplishments instead of feeling like a slacker. I have a feeling it’s easier said than done.

Friday’s Guilty Pleasure for 10/04/2013

This week’s Guilty Pleasure is one that I’m a little embarrassed to admit to – Advice Columns.

Dear Abby, Ask Amy, Dear Prudence, Carolyn Hax, Dear Margo…I read them all. It started with Dear Abby and slowly spread from there. It got to the point that when I was working full-time I couldn’t start my day without first reading Dear Abby and Ask Amy, and depending on the day Dear Prudence (it’s not published every day). People at work would talk about not being able to start work without coffee, or checking the sports scores, and I would just kind of mumble. Every now and then someone would walk in on me reading one of the columns and I would sheepishly admit to my little guilty pleasure. More often than the ladies I worked with would admit to reading some sort of advice column too and we would swear each other to secrecy!

English: Dear Abby star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve given it some thought, and I’ve discussed it with those ladies, why do we read them and why are they such a guilty pleasure? One of the biggest reasons is because they make you feel a little better about yourself. I freely admit that my life has been stranger than fiction – I mean it’s the kind of thing where people wouldn’t believe some of this stuff really happened if I didn’t have pictures…and people willing to testify…Even with that, I’m not as screwed up or confused as some of the folks who write in for advice.

I’ve never had an affair I was trying to hide from my boss. I’ve never found out about my boss’s affair and wanted know if I should use the information to blackmail him/her into giving me a promotion. My family isn’t hiding any secrets about adoptions or a sister really being someone’s mom. No one I ever dated ever hit-on one of my parents or my siblings. (The closest I ever came was in high school when a guy who asked me out a few times told me he didn’t want to go out any more while we were in the hall between classes and then immediately asked my sister out. When she told me I tried to be the bigger person and said she should go out with him if she wanted, it wasn’t a big deal – she said, “Eww, NO! He’s crazy if he thinks he can dump you and I would actually go out with him!” I have a pretty cool sister like that.)

Granted, there are some people who really need help. The women in relationships wondering if it’s really abuse if they got hit once. Or if they haven’t been hit at all, they just get told how useless they are and have to report in every five minutes when they go out and aren’t allowed to visit their family any more. The teenagers writing in asking for advice for how to talk parents about being gay. Kids wanting to know how to handle bullies. Parents, children, siblings, wives, husbands and friends worried about alcohol or drug abuse. They need someone who won’t judge and will give them some very real and reasonable advice.

So many columns, so little time! Newspaper vendor, Paddington, London,  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Then there are the kind of crazy letters. They ones where you have to wonder if they’re real. Lately a lot of them have been about weddings. Things along the lines of my friend says I have to dye my hair to match my dress and have my tattoos removed by laser before her wedding two weeks, is that unreasonable? Or – and this is a real letter I read recently – I just got engaged, my future sis-in-law is saving for new breasts and wants us to postpone the wedding until after she saves the money and has the surgery so she looks nice in the pictures. My fiancé hates confrontation and suggested we pay for his sister’s new boobs, I don’t agree – what do you think?

Advice columns are wallet friendly too since so many newspapers can be found free online. Name a topic and there’s an advice column for it: cars, computers, games, photography….Each columnist has their own voice – don’t like one, keep looking you might like the next. Go ahead, check out advice columns. I promise not to tell!

If you have an idea for next week’s Guilty Pleasure – or if you would like to be the special Guest Blogger and write next week’s Guilty Pleasure post, drop me a line here! I would LOVE to hear your ideas. Especially all you Spoonies and Chronic Babes – what are the those little guilty pleasures that make the bad days a little better? Let’s share and help each other!

Related articles

• 10 Weird And Wonderful Dear Abby Columns (buzzfeed.com)

Book Review: Laughter Was God’s Idea: Stories about Healing Humor

In the e-book Laughter Was God’s Idea: Stories About Healing Humor by Chaplin Jack Hanson (published by Catch the Spirit of Appalachia, Inc.), Hanson draws on his years of experience as a Hospital Chaplin and minister to demonstrate how humor, and laughter in particular, can have a huge impact on the health and well-being of people. He also gives examples of how laughter is a gift from God supported by scripture and scholarly studies.

Laughter Was God’s Idea: Stories About Healing Humor by Chaplin Jack Hinson

Chaplin Hanson has thoroughly researched the idea of laughter as it relates to both religion and medicine. At times the book felt like a research paper or a study on the subject and was a little difficult to get through. Clergy, or individuals in the medical field, could find the information very valuable, but the average reader with more of passing interest in the subject may get weighed down in the detail. The book is  filled with antidotes Chaplin Hanson collected over the years. The later part of the book is primarily stories of his experiences in the hospital and as a guest Chaplin. Many of them come from articles he wrote for the hospital’s monthly newsletter and seem to appear in the book just as they did in the newsletter. While I appreciate the fact that he’s sharing words of wisdom from field, it was a little distracting to read references to times or locations that could have been easily edited to be more timeless. The antidotes are amusing, very family friendly and support the points being made.

My biggest criticism is a bit of a pet peeve. Chaplin Hanson switches between formal and informal writing styles, specifically when it comes to quoting people. Nearly everyone quoted in the book speaks so formally they sound more like they’re from 1813 than 2013. I find it difficult to believe that none of these individuals use contractions or any kind of slang. There were times when the language was so formal that it was distracting from the content. I know that this is something I have a problem with, other readers may not think its a big deal. Personally, I think it makes the book feel like it doesn’t know whether it’s supposed to a more formal guide-book for the Clergy or an uplifting collection of stories for the lay person. Overall I enjoyed Laughter Was God’s Idea: Stories about Healing. Chaplin Hanson makes a strong case for the importance of laughter for our health and that God has a sense of humor and wants people to laugh too. His passion for caring not only for patients, but for their families and the doctors and nurses around them is more than obvious, it’s admirable. It’s clear that he’s changed lives and that this book is his way of passing on all that he’s learned. I highly recommend this book to those who are involved in Pastoral Care, Hospital Chaplaincy and those in the medical field.