A Dark Place

I’ve started 2 or 3 different posts in the last 24 hours. I thought all of them sounded a little dark and saved them and sat them aside to go back to later to see what I was trying to say and what was bothering me. There was something I didn’t really consider until just a little while ago. I am in a really dark place right now.

There are a lot of reasons. Well deserved ones…everything from long-term unemployment and the related financial disaster it brings to totaled cars that can’t be replaced because there’s no money. When coupled with chronic illness and the related pain my new Dr won’t treat it is a recipe for disaster.

I know this. I understand this. The logical part of my brain is trying to hold everything in perspective. But with every set-back (and in all honesty with only one exception every piece of news we’ve gotten in the last 4-6 weeks has been bad news or a set-back and the good news wasn’t all that great) I just seem to slip a little deeper into this dark place.

You may have read a few weeks ago where I talked about feeling bad for a little bit, allowing myself to feel the feelings so that I could move on and feel better. Only as I each of these moments comes up I’ve had a harder time moving on and feeling better.

I know this will pass, I just need to hang on. It would be easier if I saw any chance of things getting better for us, but I don’t see how they will. At least not any time soon. We aren’t just operating in crisis mode any more, we’re in last-resort-no-other-choice-or starve mode. In the past the miracle we’ve been praying for would come along, not to save us necessarily, but to put us on a better path. Our miracle is at least a month overdue and I’m beginning to think we’ve reached our allotted number for this lifetime.

But I won’t give up, I can’t. As dark as the place I’m in is, and as much as I want to, I can’t. I need to find a way to make things better for my girls. I want to feel better, I do. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and stuck in a dark place. I’m praying I find my way out soon.

In the mean time, I hope that you’ll bare with me.


Friday’s Guilty Pleasure for 10/25/2013

First, thanks everyone for understanding about last week’s post not happening and the award nominations. This is the first time we’ve totaled a car, and with our current financial predicament, it’s all a bit over whelming. I’m sure there’s at least one more blog post on the whole thing looming, but thank you again for your support and understanding.

This week’s Guilty Pleasure is a brand new television show in Comedy Central@midnight.

@midnight with photograph of Chris Hardwick

Chris Hardwick is hosting this week’s Guilty Pleasure, @midnight!

@midnight, host Chris Hardwick, AKA The Nerdist (some of you may remember him from a dating show he hosted with Jenny McCarthy on MTV when back when they still played music videos), leads three celebrities contestants through a social media rabbit hole to see who has the funniest take on today’s pop culture. Four episodes have aired so far and it is hysterical, truly laugh out loud funny.

This is another one of those shows that you don’t necessarily watch with the kids. There’s strong language and adult themes, and frankly that’s part of the joy of it. It’s just so wrong sometimes it’s right.

The show airs Monday through Thursday at, you guessed it, midnight. I highly recommend it. Follow on Twitter to play along at home – it’s kind of like having the exciting home version of the game right there in your hand. For my Chronic Babe and Spoonie friends, this is the kind of show that will give you a good giggle and distract you a little bit while you’re laying there wishing you could fall asleep.

So that’s two big thumbs up for @midnight and a big recommendation for you to tune in.

If you have an idea for next week’s Guilty Pleasure – or if you would like to be the special Guest Blogger and write next week’s Guilty Pleasure post, drop me a line here! I would LOVE to hear your ideas. Especially all you Spoonies and Chronic Babes – what are the those little guilty pleasures that make the bad days a little better? Let’s share and help each other!

A Total Loss

A Total Loss

So the car really is a total loss. Since it’s more than 10 years old it’s not really worth a whole lot. This is definitely expense we don’t need right now. With only one of us with a fulltime job and very little coming in it’s going to be next to impossible to find a car we can afford. The kicker is, we really need a pretty good car since Hubby is driving an hour each way to work, over a mountain. A drive that’s going to be next to impossible once winter hits in the wrong vehicle. Wish us luck…I’ll be over in the corner whimpering into the Trader’s Guide if you need me.

***I know I owe you posts for the award nominations, I promise they’re in the works!***

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Post…

English: A white-tailed deer

Sure it looks cute here, but not on the road at midnight! English: A white-tailed deer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Late last night my husband had a rather violent meeting with a deer while on the way home from work. My husband seems to have made it through in one piece, but the same cannot be said for either the deer or the car. As a matter of fact, it sounds like both were totaled.

Needless to say this has thrown a bit of a wrench in my editorial schedule with the calls to insurance companies and body shops and all the other things that go with excitement like this. So, fair warning, tomorrow’s regularly scheduled Guilty Pleasures post may be late, or may be overtaken by events.

I apologize of any inconvenience this may cause. Please address any concerns or complaints in care of Bambi.

Friday’s Guilty Pleasure for 10/11/2013

This week’s Guilty Pleasure goes back to making looking good a little easier, it’s John Fredia’s 3-Day Straight.


John Frieda 3-Day Straight – It’s like a magic position for wavy hair!

This nifty product is used after you’ve washed your hair as you normally do. Just 7-14 sprays then dry your hair straight. Use a straightener to finish it off. (Read the directions on the box, it really is that easy!) What you get is super straight hair that really does stay straight. If you have wavy hair like mine, this stuff is like a magic potion!

I’m not saying you won’t have to touch it up in the morning, but it won’t be a frizzy mess or curled back up. You really can go a few days before having to do major work with a straightener. Combine it with dry shampoo (another guilty pleasure) and you may be able to stretch it out a little longer.

Now, it’s not the cheapest stuff out there, but if you keep an eye out you can find coupons to use when it’s on sale to get a pretty good deal. And I’ll be honest I don’t use it all the time, usually when I have big events, so I make that little bottle last a long time. But, if you have trouble keeping your hair straight like I do, then it might be worth it. Oh, and you don’t want to mix it with too many other products or your hair will get kind of gooey, or sticky, or just…icky…depending on the combination.

For my Spoonie and Chronic Babe friends there are several things that can help. First, I cheat sometimes – I let my hair air dry, and later spray it damp and use my hair straightener/dryer to straighten. It’s not how your supposed to do it, but it works and it’s a little bit easier on my hands and takes a little less energy. Second, this stuff isn’t horrible on your hair – I know some of the meds we have to take, or just being us, can be tough of your hair. 3-Day Straight isn’t going to leave your hair in worse condition than it found it, it may even look a little better. Third, because it really does keep your hair fairly straight, it means it’s less effort you have to put into your hair every day. If your someone who straightens your hair a lot it may be worth the expense to save the time/energy/spoons to have this stuff do some of the work for you.

If you have an idea for next week’s Guilty Pleasure – or if you would like to be the special Guest Blogger and write next week’s Guilty Pleasure post, drop me a line here! I would LOVE to hear your ideas. Especially all you Spoonies and Chronic Babes – what are the those little guilty pleasures that make the bad days a little better? Let’s share and help each other!

Follow Up on a Guilty Pleasure

I just read a great story about one of the gents from Top Gear, one of my Guilty Pleasures, and I wanted to share. A very sick little girl in the UK dreamed of a ride in a pink Lamborghini driven by none other than Top Gear’s Richard Hammond. An organization heard about what she wanted and managed to pull it all together in just a few days…pink sports car, celebrity chauffeur and all!

Her parents are thrilled that it came together so quickly so she was able to enjoy it. She’s being evaluated for a lung transplant that could add 10 years to her life. It’s awesome that she got this amazing surprise. Even more awesome is her need for speed.

Make sure you watch the video, it’ll put a smile on your face (and maybe a tear in your eye).