Today is what they call a milestone birthday. I have mixed feelings about it frankly. In some ways I feel bad because there were so many things I had planned, so many dreams that never saw the light of day. When you combine with some of the other things going on in my life between work and home and – to be honest – I’m just not happy. So starting today I’m going to work at fixing that.
I’ve realized that I’ve become very cautious about what I say and what I do. It’s a side effect of being a consultant for so many years. It’s also changed who I am. In some ways for the better – I’ve learned to think before I speak which isn’t a bad thing. But I’ve taken it to such an extreme I don’t express my opinions any more. That is part of what this little cubby is for, a place for me to express all of those things I can’t say in the real world.
This is also a place for me to talk about what it’s like to be sick. I have several autoimmune disorders that unfortunately can have a pretty big impact on my life. Sometimes it makes life frustrating. Sometimes it can be funny. Sometimes it gives me a real appreciation for just how special life is. I don’t normally share these things either because I’m afraid people will find out in the real world and I won’t be able to get or keep a job.
But I’ve decided, on this milestone birthday, that it’s time to stop worrying so much about all of that and start living the life that I want to live. I’ve worked so hard to keep the different parts of my life separate (healthy/sick, work/home, creative/professional) and none of them have flourished the way they should. Maybe it’s time to stop trying so hard to keep them separate and focus more on just living them.
I’m not sure how this experiment will work out. I hope it’ll be a bit of a window into this world I live in. I think it can be kind of a kick. So pull of a chair. Grab some chocolate – better yet share with the author – and let’s have some fun!