Looking for Christmas Magic

This has been a really rough year for us. Between loosing my job, and my health getting worse, and the car getting totaled, and now loosing my unemployment benefits and my freelance work suddenly getting put on hold, it feels like we’ve been kicked while we’re down over and over and over. It’s hard to find things to get excited about when all you can really think about is trying to find enough money for food and rent. I know things could be worse. I’m grateful we have a roof over heads (for now at least) and we are still managing to keep the kids fed, but it’s a constant struggle and hanging over our heads.

Christmas tree lit with white lights

Looking for Christmas Magic

We have our tree up and a few decorations. We’ve done our little bit of meager Christmas shopping. But with all of the stress and the worry and drama and the trauma of the last 10 months, it just doesn’t feel like Christmas to me.

My favorite part of the holidays is the magic. The feeling that anything is possible. The ideas of rebirth, renewal and goodwill. The belief that miracles really can and do happen. And maybe, just maybe, if we wish hard enough, a little of the magic in the twinkling lights and Santa’s sleigh and the stillness of Christmas Eve will rub off on us and at least for a few moments the world will be a better place.

I’m just not seeing it this year. The lights are just lights. The bells are making my tinnitus go overtime. The preparation is making me even more exhausted. And my daughters’ excitement for the big day is making me anxious. There’s no big hope for a better tomorrow, I’m just hoping to make it through today.

I want the magic. I want to feel like there’s something special in the air. I want to believe that miracles can happen, but after everything I’ve seen and been through over the years and looking at the choices I’m facing, I’m sorry to say I have my doubts right now. I guess I still believe miracles happen, I just don’t believe they’re meant for me. I really want to believe they could, I just don’t know how any more.

But Christmas is the time for miracles and rebirth. Maybe I can find the magic I’m looking for. Maybe we’ll get the miracle we need and things will start to turn around (I’m not expecting to hit the lottery – that ship already sailed, but maybe a job or better pay for my husband or a bonus that will actually cover our bills would be nice).

Heaven knows I’m trying to believe. I really need to believe because if I can’t find a way to believe in the magic of Christmas, I’m not sure what I’m going to find to believe in the rest of the year.


Friday’s Guilty Pleasure – Inaugural Edition

Everyone is entitled to a little guilty pleasure. I figure Friday is the perfect day to talk about it, so I’m going to start a weekly post where we can share them! I’m going to pick something every week that’s one of my favorite guilty pleasures to share with you, and I’m going to ask you to do the same. We’re all friends here, and heaven knows we could all use a little distraction now and again, and guilty pleasures are a great way to forget about the world for a few minutes.

I’m going to keep most of my guilty pleasures focused on the no cost/low cost end of things.  Because: 1. That’s about all I can afford right now;  2. I’m not the only one in that boat; and 3. It feels really great to get a pick-me-up for next to nothing.

For the Inaugural Edition of Friday’s Guilty Pleasures I’m sharing, or admitting to, Double Divas.


A t-shirt from the Double Diva’s of LiviRae Lingerie in GA where their motto is “No bust too big or small. We fit them all!”

I’m not big on reality TV. The little of it I watch tends to be more off-beat and Double Divas fits the bill. Double Divas is a docuseries on the Lifetime network about two women who own an intimate apparel store in Atlanta called LiviRae Lingerie, where the motto is: “No bust too big or small. We fit them all!”

There are a lot of reasons I like the show. Cynthia Decker and Molly Hopkins are funny, honest, and are even more supportive than the bras they fit. They do “Fit and Runs” where they basically walk up to women and tell them they’re wearing the wrong bra, what size they should be wearing, and if they have it with them they’ll fit them wherever they are…the parking lot, the coffee shop drive through…or they invite them back to their shop. They also help people with special situations, women who have never been able to be properly fit because of their size or physical differences, or women with special needs (like a holster, appropriate for barrel racing, etc.).  If there isn’t something hanging in the shop that works they will design something, and they won’t give up until it’s perfect.

This is what more reality TV should be. It’s fun. It’s positive. Cynthia and Molly feel like some of the women I’ve known and hung out with over the years and would love sit down and have a beer (and a good laugh) with. It’s a little bit naughty, but the respect and care they show their clients is heartwarming. You won’t find catfights, backstabbing or wine being tossed in anyone’s face here. You will find women helping others be more confident and comfortable in who they are and their bodies. We could use a lot more of that in the world.

It’s not compelling storytelling or educational, but it’s fun. Double Divas is my newest guilty pleasure.

Your turn! What is your guilty pleasure for this week? Share below!