The last month or so has just been one steaming pile of crap on top of the last. I’ve found it really hard to have the motivation to post anything positive. And frankly, it is far too easy for people in my real life to come here and read this for me to be as honest as I’d like. So I haven’t felt much like posting. Until now.
The biggest thing the last few weeks is that my daughter has been sick. I’m not going to go into detail, she’s 15 and it’s really her business. But, long story short, we have no idea what’s wrong. There’s been a couple of trips to the local Children’s Hospital (not just one of the best in the state, but one of the best PERIOD) to see a specialist and for tests and there are more to come.
So far everything has come back normal. Which is great! But as all of us Spoonie and Chronic Babe types know, it’s frustrating as hell. She’s still having the same problems. She’s not getting better. We may have ruled a few things out, but we aren’t really any closer to having an answer. Without an answer, there’s nothing I can do to make her feel any better.
Worse still, this mystery is impacting her ability to go to school. It’s pretty much impossible for her to make it through a whole day of classes without needing some sort of break, or feeling like she’s going to be sick. Between that and missing classes to go for doctor’s appointments and tests, she’s missed a lot of class. Needless to say the school is not happy. Let’s just say we haven’t necessarily gotten a lot of care and support from those who are supposed to be interested in seeing her get through this and succeed in her classes.
The nurse at school has said she doesn’t know if my daughter is well enough to keep going to school. The doctors don’t seem all that prepared to say she’s sick enough to not go to school without having some idea what’s wrong with her. So I’ve spent the last week scrambling to find other options for finishing the school year. Thank goodness I’ve found a cyber school that will take her for the last quarter of the year and have started the enrollment process.
But it take takes time and most days I send my daughter to school in tears as she struggles to make it to the bus. I can see how awful she feels. I can pretty much predict when I’ll get the first call from the nurse’s office about coming to get her. And I’m pretty much helpless.
There are some signs pointing to the possibility of auto-immune disorders, meaning she’d be like me. Just the fact that she’s had some sort of reoccurring illness in 9th grade makes her a lot like me. The fact that we don’t know what’s wrong with her makes her even more like me.
I’m proud to say my daughter is like me in a lot of ways…We both love to play the flute. We love to be on stage. We can’t help but write, and we’re not horrible at it…The list goes on and on. The one way I didn’t want her or her sister to be like me is in the health department. I’ve known all along that the chances were pretty good that one of them would follow in my health footsteps, but I really hoped they wouldn’t.
I know that all of this is out of my hands, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. It also doesn’t keep me from feeling incredibly stressed while I’m trying to stay on top of doctors appointments for both of us, and the 101 steaming other piles of crap that are still here and have little to nothing to do with anyone’s health.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’ll turn out that she’s not like me at all. At least that’s what I’m praying for.