I want to say it was another bad day, or that it was another day in purgatory or one of the other hundred things running through my head right now, but I don’t want to sound pessimistic. Generally I’m not a pessimistic person. But now and then, and I think it’s pretty true of anyone with a chronic illness or unemployed or both, you have A Moment.
You know what I mean. Where you feel sorry for yourself. Where you feel like things will never get better. The enormity and scariness and suckiness of everything going on descends on you and clings to you like a wet, cold bathing suit you have nowhere to change out of late at night. Always at night. Usually while you’re alone in the dark and the only sound is that voice in your head reminding you of all the things you’ve done to get yourself into this predicament and telling you all the reasons you’re not good enough to get out of it. Yeah, A Moment.
I’m having myself one now. I think I’ve got some pretty valid reasons for having one, things that are actually good to discuss in blog posts, I’m just not in a place to write those right now. I’m in a trying to make lists of things to do to prove to myself that I can make things better kind of place.
I know this will pass. Hopefully soon. I’m pretty good at talking myself through these Moments. But I wanted to come here and post about it. This is the kind of thing I want to make sure we talk about as a community, the kind of thing we can share and support each other through. We all have Moments, and you know what? It’s ok.
Personally, I think it’s ok to have A Moment once in a while. Life sucks sometimes. Get mad. Get sad. Don’t keep it bottled up. Let it out. Let it go. Then let’s go figure out what to do to make things as good as we can. Acknowledge the feelings, be upset and then keep going.
I’m talking more about the Blues, or a case of the Mean Reds as Holly Golightly put it in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. If every moment is A Moment for you, then please, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. Depression is something different. Depression is serious. Depression lies. Depression is a beast, and I’m 100% behind anyone who wants help battling it. Moments can be lying bastards too, but they’re a lot easier to beat into submission. If you’re having trouble, please get help.
For me, just talking about having A Moment helps. Acknowledging that this is what this is, just A Moment in time. This will pass. This Moment is not all that I am. It may be a bad moment, brought on by a string of not so great moments, but is just A Moment. Things will get better, somehow. Even if it feels impossible now, they will get better.
I truly hope none of you are having A Moment, but if you are, you are not alone. It’s ok. Things will get better. We will get through it.
I’m already feeling 100 times better than I did when I started this just by writing about it. If you have any words of encouragement for someone having a moment, or want to talk about what you do feel better when you’re having A Moment, I would love for you share in the comments below.
If you need help or to talk to someone right now, call 1-800-SUICIDE, visit the National Hopeline Network, or CrisisChat (they provide online emotional support, crisis intervention, and suicide prevention services).
Remember, even in your worst moments my Friend, you are not alone.